I don’t know why it feels like everyone is more serious about their faith than me. Everyone seems to have it together. Everyone prays on time, waits patiently for an answer, and completely trusts in God.
That’s what it looks like. That’s what it sounds like.
But that’s not me.
In my life, it feels like the light is only shining on the next step. And sometimes it seems so dim, I don’t even know what step to take.
I have a core set of truths I go back to, because otherwise I swing between extremes.
I start to think that God doesn’t care, that He’s far off somewhere, watching humanity the way we used to watch soap operas in the 90s.
Or I go to the other extreme. I start to think God is speaking to me in everything, telling me to do this or that, and “this or that” just happens to be whatever I wanted to do anyway.
That first one makes me feel like I’ve forgotten the face of my Father.
And the second one, I’m basically telling myself what I want to hear while doing what I want to do.
Both leave me restless and depleted. It’s the worst kind of striving.
So instead, I come back to what I know is true:
1. Christ came to earth with a specific purpose and a clear message.
2. He said, “In this life you will have trouble.”
3. God answers prayers, but sometimes the answer isn’t what I wanted.
4. God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, loves me, because God is love.
5. If God loves me, then nothing He does or allows comes from distance or indifference. Love is intimate. Love is active.
6. The point of life is not material or worldly success. The point is relationship. To know God as best I can and to love others as best I can.
7. God cares about brokenness. If relationships are broken, reconcile. If your spirit is broken, lay your burden down. If your relationship with Him feels broken, come to the throne of grace, where mercy waits.
When life feels overwhelming, it’s hard to remember these things. It’s hard to believe them, especially when you’re staring at a steep climb ahead.
And then there’s letting go of what I want.
Because I do want things to go a certain way. I can see it clearly in my mind. This person should say this. This situation should end like that.
But Christ came with a purpose, to gather His people and send them out.
The obstacle I’m facing might actually be part of the path.
I remember hearing as a child, you’re either going into a storm, coming out of one, or resting in between.
And like the song says, nobody told me the road would be easy, but I don’t believe He’s brought me this far to leave me.
There is an ache here. There really is.
Life can bring so much doubt.
But remembering the mission, remembering the race you’re actually running, remembering the steady, unchanging love of God,
that’s what holds you in the tension between trust and belief.
Lord I want to trust. Help me believe.
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Martina Griffin is a Catholic convert, writer, wife, and mother of four. She writes about faith, motherhood, beauty, books, and the quiet ache of transformation. A lover of popcorn, deep questions, and old classics, she shares her heart at Big Bowl of Popcorn—one post at a time. Instagram | Facebook | Email Me |
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