On Marriage, Being Seen, and Becoming Again
I’m reading Ina Garten’s memoir, Be Ready When the Luck Happens, and I’m enjoying it.
I have to admit, this is not a book I would normally pick up. Celebrity memoirs are rarely my thing. But Siafa and I were on a weekend getaway for our anniversary, browsing the book section, and something about it caught my eye.
I also picked up Harper Lee’s collection of short stories and essays. Other than To Kill a Mockingbird, I have not read much of her work, so that felt like a good vacation choice. But it was Ina Garten’s title that really stopped me. Be Ready When the Luck Happens. What a wonderful title. What a great title.
Eight chapters in, I found myself surprisingly entertained. Reading her book feels like being handed a bouquet and reminded to stop long enough to breathe it in.
And maybe “surprisingly” is unfair. Outside of Barefoot Contessa, I had little interest in her personal life. In general, I try to stay away from celebrities’ personal lives altogether. I want to enjoy what people contribute to the world through their art, whether that’s music, acting, writing, or cooking, without knowing too much about their private struggles or moral failures. We are all imperfect people, and sometimes knowing too much ruins the thing itself.
There are artists I no longer listen to. Movies I no longer watch. Recipes I no longer cook. Some revelations are too bitter for my taste.
But Ina Garten, as far as I know, has remained unscathed in my little mental catalog. So when I saw her book in the store, I felt free to pick it up.
Eight chapters in, I realized that I like her. I always liked her as a cook, but now I like her as a woman. I like her as a wife.
One of the things that resonated with me most was how she described her relationship with her husband. It is beautiful. And familiar.
Like her, I grew up in a home where happiness did not linger. It was not something that floated easily through the rooms. So when you read the story of her marriage, you get the sense that her husband became more than just her husband. He became her family. Her safe place. Her steady ground.
In some ways, he was her brother, her father, her best friend.
And that is exactly how I feel about my husband, Siafa.
The adventures we have been on together have been tremendous. Life with him has been full. Of course, he is not my father. That would be gross. But he has been a man who helped raise me up in areas where I needed to mature. And while he is not my brother in the literal sense, there has always been a deep friendship between us. A kind of ride-or-die loyalty. A shared fidelity.
Our relationship has communicated consistency, camaraderie, faithfulness, companionship, partnership, and covenant.
Reading the book, I got the sense that when her husband looked at her, he saw something she did not yet see when she looked in the mirror.
And here is the thing that has always astonished me, even in my own marriage. When you have someone in your ear telling you that you are capable, that you are special, that you are becoming something good, you eventually start to believe it. One day, you look in the mirror and see it too.
Of course, the opposite is also true. A negative voice can distort the truth just as easily.
I also related to the rebellion in her. That natural irritation that rises up when someone says, “You can’t.” Because my instinct has always been, “Why can’t I? Actually, I can.”
And somewhere along the way, I think I stopped believing that about myself.
I stopped responding to that instinct that lives in me. I learned to soften. To conform. To go along to get along. Because when you are an audacious person, it can start to look like troublemaking. And sometimes, it is easier to be agreeable than brave.
As I said, I am only eight chapters in, but as it stands, I am glad I picked up Ina Garten’s book. These pages have helped me remember the good I have had over the years. They have helped me remember the laughter I shared with my sisters, Anitra and Lakeisha. The crazy times cooking dinner for my family. The creative ways I tried to make our house a home in those early years.
For that, I am grateful.
And as I move forward with my recent endeavors, I find myself hoping that I am ready. Ready for the work. Ready for the courage. Ready for the L.U.C.K. (Leading Under Christ’s Kingship) that God has in store.
If this post spoke to you…
Share it with someone who might need it, too. Whether it’s a quiet encouragement or a new way of seeing things, these reflections are meant to be passed along.
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Martina Griffin is a Catholic convert, writer, wife, and mother of four. She writes about faith, motherhood, beauty, books, and the quiet ache of transformation. A lover of popcorn, deep questions, and old classics, she shares her heart at Big Bowl of Popcorn—one post at a time. Instagram | Facebook | Email Me |
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