Do you ever feel like you’re getting ready for an audition?
Like you’re rushing to make it on time, hoping you don’t miss your moment?
Sometimes I feel like life is just one long audition.
I wake up early, get dressed in something clean and presentable. I check my eyebrows, my lashes. If there’s time, maybe a little makeup. And then I go.
But underneath all of that, there’s this feeling of being noticed (or vetted maybe?) Not in a dramatic paranoid way. Just enough to make me aware of myself.
Like I’m auditioning for something.
Friendship. Approval. Being seen as capable. Being seen as someone who belongs.
And the exhausting part is, I don’t even know what role I’m trying to land.
So I keep showing up, adjusting, performing in small ways. Trying to get it right. Trying to be enough for whatever this is.
And it drains me.
It makes me look forward to breaks more than anything else. Summer. A day off. A quiet moment where I don’t have to be “on.”
Where I don’t feel like I’m being evaluated.
Just… a place where I can exist without trying out for something.
Because lately, I’m not even sure what part I’m up for anymore.
If this post spoke to you…
Share it with someone who might need it, too. Whether it’s a quiet encouragement or a new way of seeing things, these reflections are meant to be passed along.
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Martina Griffin is a Catholic convert, writer, wife, and mother of four. She writes about faith, motherhood, beauty, books, and the quiet ache of transformation. A lover of popcorn, deep questions, and old classics, she shares her heart at Big Bowl of Popcorn—one post at a time. Instagram | Facebook | Email Me |
From Big Bowl of Popcorn
Finding Alberta
A novel about love, grief, and what is remembered and misunderstood.
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