Hello,

It’s weird to be here.

I almost feel like I’ve come out of hiding, although I have been doing no such thing.

I have, however, been living through an incredibly hard time in my life.

Now this incredibly hard time has led me back here…to my home, writing at my computer under a warm light.

I hardly have the time to do this. I’m sure that on the other side of my bedroom door there are a whole lot of urgent situations calling—needing me.

But I just wanted to share this one thing…

Tonight I was unpacking a suitcase and I saw the obituary that I had purposely brought back to Florida. And the weight of seeing that familiar face made me want to hurry and put it away.

The pain I felt seeing their face, their smile, and knowing what all the words on the inside meant, and knowing what all the people left behind lost, was more than I wanted to remember tonight.

I am taking some theology courses right now…it’s a long story…and it wasn’t necessarily my choice…but that’s what I am doing nonetheless.

One of my classes brought to mind this idea, or maybe this realization, that that’s where all life heads.

If you’re blessed, you’ll have an obituary full of kind words and pictures of moments you spent with loved ones.

But all of our days will end.

And that scares me in some way…not for myself, but because of how close to home this loss hit.

I don’t want to lose another.

And that makes me sad.

The flip side to that, with all these deep theological classes, is the thought that this was always true about the human experience on earth.

But there is a hope.

A hope that burns at my heart…that feels so real sometimes…realer than the bed I sit in right now, realer than the keys under my fingers, realer than the air I breathe.

And sometimes I am so sure of it…so sure of Him.

So sure that it’s all real and I am not delusional in any way.

And that’s something more than hope…it’s more like knowing, isn’t it?

Well, that’s it…just wanted to share.

I have been writing constantly…just not here.

I miss here.

I miss this.

I hope to be back in the rhythm of this real soon.

But for now,

Thanks for stopping by Big Bowl of Popcorn.

From Big Bowl of Popcorn

Finding Alberta

A novel about love, grief, and what is remembered and misunderstood.

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