“This is Us,” the television series: If you haven’t seen the show, you’ve missed out on a life-changing addition to twenty-first-century television. The first episode that I remember was with pregnant Rebekkah and her very handsome husband Jack; their love; the tragedy of loss; and the beauty of childbirth. Then there was the awesome, well-spoken Randall. It was remarkable, and I was hooked. For months, and now also years, I thought that the writer’s goal was to make viewers weep uncontrollably, and I’m still convinced of that, but I also believe that their greater goal was to normalize pain and suffering. They made me feel human. The ebbs and flows of life can sometimes have sharp seashells in the waves, and boy, do they cut.

In my family, I’m partly Randall and I am definitely married to Beth. I’m the one worrying, planning, and over-thinking, and my husband is the one calm, sensible, with all the jokes. Through my eyes, though he would probably not agree, my husband, Siafa, is also Jack. Yep, he is absolutely great. And also, just like Jack, he’s not without his flaws, but he does everything for this family and I love him for it. I am also Kate (the great). I have had a similar struggle with my weight and have also grown up with a slender mom who couldn’t possibly relate to the struggle. Many nights I would sit frozen at the TV watching Rebekkah and Kate’s awkward conversations and recalling the times when I too had hard conversations with my mother. Kate was truly remarkable. It was because of her character that I came up with the mantra, “Do it fat.” I’ve been looking in the mirror for thirty-plus years, calling myself fat and waiting for me to look like someone else so that I could do it, all of it, and whatever “it” was. All I knew was that “it” couldn’t be done while fat. I was tired of dieting and gaining and dieting again. I was scared to do things because I thought I would make others uncomfortable. Each week I would tune in and see Kate in another pretty dress, flirting with her husband, singing on stage, talking to people, laughing, smiling, and living. Yes, she had baggage from her childhood, but she was still living. I wasn’t living. I was hiding. The baggage from my childhood was smothering me. I won’t unpack it all in this post, but I will say, in the words of Morgan Freeman (Shawshank Redemption), I had to “get busy living or get busy dying.”

Well, I’m glad you stopped by today. I hope you’ll stick around to hear some of my fascinating life discoveries, existential questions, and research that I’ve conducted to find answers to questions that I’ve been pondering for quite some time. Plus, I would love to share some of my story as an African American woman in the Presbyterian Church of America (PCA). Wow! so much to talk about. Grab yourself a big bowl of popcorn and read on.